But where does that leave me and my rose? (I will explain the significance of calling her my rose in a later post. For now, just go with it.) Her mom and dad took her to the Salt Lake Temple so that she too may also take part of the blessings of the temple. She was sealed to them, not me. So how can I have a happy eternity without her? I will explain.
Birthmother. One word. I know that it is actually two words but please allow me to explain why I think it should be considered as one.
I will first use an example
Railroad. If we split this word up into two words they have two separate meanings.
Rail: a bar extending from one post or support to another and serving as a guard or barrier
Road: an open way for vehicles, persons, and animals
Now see what happens when you put the two words together.
Railroad: a permanent road having a line of rails fixed to ties and laid on a roadbed and providing a track for cars or equipment drawn by locomotives or propelled by self-contained motors
Together these words form perfect harmony in the english language to explain how a locomotive gets from one place to other.
Now the definitions for the words birth and mother.
Birth: The emergence of a baby or other young from the body of its mother; the start of life as a physically separate being.
Mother: a term of address for a female parent or a woman having or regarded as having the status, function, or authority of a female parent.
I spent very long hours in labor with her and pushed for a number of hours only resulting in c-section to give birth to her. I am the only one the world to have performed the first part of the word, birthmother, for her. This makes me proud! However, I cannot with confidence call myself her "mother". I did not stay up all night comforting her back to sleep, I did not kiss her skinned knee or put a band aid on it, I have never told her to go to her room for mouthing off, I have never taken her to a piano class, or helped her with her homework. Based on the above explanations I have only given birth to my rose and have never actually mothered her. So I ask my reader, Am I merely the woman who gave birth to a child and then gave her away? This hurts. Every time I think about the things I have missed out on because of my choice to place her for adoption, it hurts. It hurts to be reminded that I am not her mother and that I was simply her vessel to get to this earth. This cannot possibly be the end of my relationship with this child.
How can I put the two words, birth and mother, together and give them function in the same sense that railroad has a function? How can I do this when I have already demonstrated that I have only merely given birth to her and not mothered her?
This is my conclusion. I gave her life and then gave her a life. This is how the two words have formed their harmony and what a beautiful song they sing. They sing of love and devotion for my rose. They tell an eternal tale of the love a mother has for her daughter. I love that little girl with all my heart. No, I was not sealed to her as her mother. I wasn't even sealed to her as her birthmother, but our Heavenly Father designed a great plan that made it possible for every person on earth to be sealed to not just our immediate families. He made it possible for us all to be sealed and bonded to every person who has, is, or will be born on this earth. Every meaningful and loving relationship that has been shared on earth will be honored in the eternities. I am sure of it. I will forever be her birthmother. This excites me and it makes me happy!