Monday, May 14, 2012

The Word

I believe in eternal families. I know that when I went to the LDS temple with my husband we made promises with our Heavenly Father that bonded not only us together forever, but our children as well. This excites me and it makes me happy!
But where does that leave me and my rose? (I will explain the significance of calling her my rose in a later post. For now, just go with it.) Her mom and dad took her to the Salt Lake Temple so that she too may also take part of the blessings of the temple. She was sealed to them, not me. So how can I have a happy eternity without her? I will explain.

Birthmother. One word. I know that it is actually two words but please allow me to explain why I think it should be considered as one.
I will first use an example

Railroad. If we split this word up into two words they have two separate meanings.
           Rail: a bar extending from one post or support to another and serving as a guard or barrier 
           Road: an open way for vehicles, persons, and animals
Now see what happens when you put the two words together.
           Railroad:  a permanent road having a line of rails fixed to ties and laid on a roadbed and providing a track for cars or equipment drawn by locomotives or propelled by self-contained motors

Together these words form perfect harmony in the english language to explain how a locomotive gets from one place to other. 

Now the definitions for the words birth and mother.
           Birth: The emergence of a baby or other young from the body of its mother; the start of life as a physically separate being.
           Mother:   a term of address for a female parent or a woman having or regarded as having the status, function, or authority of a female parent.
I spent very long hours in labor with her and pushed for a number of hours only resulting in c-section to give birth to her. I am the only one the world to have performed the first part of the word, birthmother, for her. This makes me proud! However, I cannot with confidence call myself her "mother". I did not stay up all night comforting her back to sleep, I did not kiss her skinned knee or put a band aid on it, I have never told her to go to her room for mouthing off, I have never taken her to a piano class, or helped her with her homework. Based on the above explanations I have only given birth to my rose and have never actually mothered her. So I ask my reader, Am I merely the woman who gave birth to a child and then gave her away? This hurts. Every time I think about the things I have missed out on because of my choice to place her for adoption, it hurts. It hurts to be reminded that I am not her mother and that I was simply her vessel to get to this earth. This cannot possibly be the end of my relationship with this child.

How can I put the two words, birth and mother, together and give them function in the same sense that railroad has a function? How can I do this when I have already demonstrated that I have only merely given birth to her and not mothered her? 

This is my conclusion. I gave her life and then gave her a life. This is how the two words have formed their harmony and what a beautiful song they sing. They sing of love and devotion for my rose. They tell an eternal tale of the love a mother has for her daughter. I love that little girl with all my heart. No, I was not sealed to her as her mother. I wasn't even sealed to her as her birthmother, but our Heavenly Father designed a great plan that made it possible for every person on earth to be sealed to not just our immediate families. He made it possible for us all to be sealed and bonded to every person who has, is, or will be born on this earth. Every meaningful and loving relationship that has been shared on earth will be honored in the eternities. I am sure of it. I will forever be her birthmother. This excites me and it makes me happy!


  1. I have always struggled knowing that you have had to suffer such strong sadness over all this, but you are such an incredible woman and have taught ME, and I'm sure countless others, the true meaning if love and charity! Thank you for allowing us to enjoy this journey together! We will always remember!
    Love you!
    Matt and Christine

  2. I love your conclusion about Heavenly Father making it possible for us all to be sealed and bonded to every person who has, is, or will be born on this earth. I too know with all my heart that every meaningful and loving relationship that has been shared on earth will be honored in the eternities. Thank you for sharing this!

    -Jessica (adoptee, mother, fostermom, sister, daughter, wife, friend, and more! )

    1. You're welcome. Thank you for reading. If you subscribe you will be able to get updates on new posts! Thanks again for your support.

  3. Oh, I love this post!! My daughter is adopted and her birthmother is absolutely amazing. She and I don't have many conversations... just updates but I sure hope she has a similar view on her role as my daughter's birthmother. Thank you for creating this blog! :)

    1. Thank you for your support and I'm sure your daughter's birthmother is also grateful for the support you are giving her. Even little updates mean the world to birthmothers.

  4. I think this quote goes along well with your conclusion:

    "Every sealing ordinance is one more welding link in the great chain of the generations, one more thread in the tapestry of heaven." (Kim B. Clark, BYU-I Devotional Jan 2008)

    Neither of our birthmothers are LDS, but I think that we will be bonded together in the eternities, and that they will have a special and unique bond with our daughters.

    1. That is a great quote. I would like to believe that the combination of your influence and their understanding of the true meaning of sacrifice that they will be brought to the fold. I also believe that your daughters and their birthmothers will be reunited and received, it will be a very joyous occasion.

  5. Beautifully written, Carla. Thank you for sharing these insights. I became a birthgrandma 8 years ago. I learned so much about life, love, and the sealing power when we went through his adoption. What a growing experience it was for my daughter, too. Thanks again...