There is one life lesson that I am always having to relearn. Who I am. Who am I? Well, I'm Carla, 5 feet and 4 inches, I am a wife, a mother, a birthmother, a daughter, a sister, an in-law, a friend. I enjoy embroidery, small sewing projects, reading, writing, walks, running, (none of these things I do often enough) and over all keeping busy. My new favorite food is smoked salmon and I will consume chocolate like it's oxygen. I just became a realtor and am very excited to start that chapter in my life. My boys are the love of my life, all four of them. (Including the old ball and chain.) I can't stand a messy bathroom, hate sitting through a bad movie, am a horrible driver, I really REALLY hate dubstep, and laundry is my arch nemesis. Is this who I am? Are these the qualities that make me Carla?
There are only a few things in the above paragraph that I did not choose for myself, like being a daughter and sister, my height, and my enslavement to chocolate. I do not believe that the choices I have made in my life make me who I am. I mean who, exactly, was I born to be? Was I born to be a wife? Was I born to be a birthmother? Was I born to be a bad driver? Was I born to be a realtor? Was I born to be run? NO! I choose each and every single one of those. If I was to believe I was born to be any one of those things then I would have to admit in believing in fate. I don't. I believe life is a series of events that has presented me with choices. Choices that will inevitably have consequences.
Consequence, in my book, is not a word for condemnation. I chose to pick up a needle one day and thread it; next thing I know it was a picture on a scrap of fabric made from string. I chose to go to school so I can have a business card with the word "realtor" underneath it. I choose to be an overly cautious driver, thus getting passed and honked at a lot. I choose to not see myself for what I am, for who I truly was born to be. I guess I do believe in sort of fate but not an earthly fate. I was born with one purpose in life, with one goal that I seem to forget often. My purpose in life is to use my talents and learn from my short comings to be a stronger daughter of God, so that I may reach the superb goal of a heavenly and eternal existence with my Father in Heaven. Can I call that fate? No, I don't believe so. By calling it fate it means, I have no choice. It would mean God would be a liar. There was an epic battle in the preexistence, that resulted in casting out Lucifer, so that we may have choice here on earth. My eternal existence is limited to the choices I make in my life.
I cannot choose WHO I was born to be, I was born as a daughter of God. I can choose WHAT kind
of daughter I will be. I am a daughter of God! It's up to me to make a
conscience decision to value the value that my Heavenly Father has for
me. I don't need to understand it, I just need to value it. To trust it,
to essentially, trust him.
Why do I forget this so often? Because I listen to all the crap. I focus too much on the list in the first paragraph to give me purpose and value. Value does not need to be found. Value, I have learned recently, it is a birthright. My Heavenly Father values me as a daughter of God just because I am one. He find joys in my marriage, mothering, sewing, and I am positive that he too loves a raspberry chocolate truffle. He guides me with patience while my boys pee on the ground around the toilets and he calms my nerves in heavy traffic. He will either find joy from my choices or give me the tools I need to make me better.
I am a daughter of God, who loves me and I love him. I struggle to live the value of divine nature and Satan knows it. Ronald Reagan said, "Evil is powerless when the good are unafraid." To be honest, I am afraid. However; I have come to learn that when I put my trust in the Lord and when I trust in the value he sees in me, I am less afraid. There is one shred of knowledge I should always remember, one place I can place my trust, and one tool I can beat Satan with its this; I am a Daughter of God!